Where It All Began: My (Messy, Beautiful) Journey to Self-Love & Wellness
It only feels right to start with how I got to this point in my health and wellness journey.
Growing up, my parents were big runners and gym-goers. My dad even ran the Boston Marathon three times! My neighbors and friends’ parents used to see him running every single day—even through blizzards. LOL. As a kid, I tried all the sports, and in case you haven’t caught on yet, I wasn’t exactly an athlete. But eventually, I found dance and spent most of my youth and teenage years half-assing my potential in ballet, tap, and jazz.
I’ve had an anterior pelvic tilt since I was a kid, which by nature makes your stomach push forward. I was a thin teen while I was dancing, but after my dance teacher told me to “suck in” my stomach every class, I started to think I was “fat.” I quit dancing and eventually got into running and the gym. I had some weightlifting friends who gave me all the tips, and I was super dedicated! But my dedication came from hating my body. That’s when I started trying all the diets and eating as few calories as possible. And as a girl who LOVES to eat, this sucked.
Fast forward: most of my teens and 20s were focused on weight loss. I was never really overweight, but I never quite fit the mold of the “super thin” girl either. So, I found myself stuck somewhere in the middle, constantly chasing a version of myself I thought I should be. I counted calories, tracked macros, and pushed myself through uninspiring workouts—all in the name of shrinking my body. Looking back, the word that stands out is… empty. I felt empty and uninspired.
Then yoga entered the chat. From my first class, I fell in love (shoutout to my first yoga teacher, Jojo Reger! IYKYK). I completely immersed myself in hot power yoga and felt both my body and mind changing. It was the tip of the iceberg, but I was learning to create self-awareness and confront how my life was going, what I wanted, what I didn’t. Eventually, I became a certified yoga teacher and personal trainer, left my job in medical research, started teaching a bunch of weekly classes, and began personal training full-time at Boston Sports Club in Back Bay. I was working out constantly, grinding through 14-hour days, and eating as little as possible. I was engaged and hyper-focused on looking “perfect” at my wedding. There was no true sense of rest or self-love.
CUE pregnancy!! Isn’t it amazing how the Universe steps in?
I wanted to be one of those badass women who runs and works out up until the day she gives birth. That makes me laugh now. I was so debilitatingly nauseous I could barely get off the couch, and I cried every day. Haha. People at work started openly commenting on my weight gain, and I felt extremely insecure—especially since I had bought my wedding dress when I was absolutely not pregnant.
I remember this moment so clearly: I was sprinting up the biggest hill in my neighborhood when something inside me just… shifted. I thought, I want to love my body for this baby. In that moment, I made the conscious decision not to punish or deprive myself anymore. I had no idea how to love myself or my body, but I knew I wanted my child to come into a world where his mom loved herself—imperfections and all.
It starts with that one decision. Sounds easy, right? Hell no. Self-love is just like anything else—it’s a practice, a discipline. I find that a lot of people want to love themselves but don’t actually want to do the work to get there.
For me, it started with giving myself grace through pregnancy and postpartum—choosing not to “bounce back” immediately. I kept showing up for myself in the gym and getting to yoga when I could.
I found meditation when I had a two-year-old and a five-month-old and I could hardly make it to yoga classes to ground and center myself. I was longing for that ‘yoga high’ and was desperate to re-create it at home. I started with a guided meditation program called Camp Calm, where you commit to meditating for 5-30 minutes daily for 30 days. Days turned into years. I’m not exaggerating when I say it changed. my. life.
Here’s why:
I resisted my perfectionist urge to clean the whole house before I allowed myself to sit down, and I would sit down anyway. I sat with the discomfort of knowing I had so many other things to do. It sounds like no big deal, but the simple step of committing to this time for myself became a theme in my life.
I created space between urge and reaction, which increased my patience tolerance tenfold.
I noticed the voice in my head and how freaking mean she was to me! So, I started reframing her words with affirmations like “You are more than enough.”
I recognized that my kids would trigger anger in me that in reality had nothing to do with them—I had to explore what I was holding onto.
I forgave people I had been angry at for years. I forgave myself.
I stopped blaming my husband for things that weren’t his fault—I was finally making peace with my own internal battles.
I learned how to shift anxiety into action instead of letting it paralyze me.
Just thinking about this brings me to tears. It was hard. I showed up for myself on the hardest days, and I am so grateful for that.
Now, three kids later and almost 40, I’ve made huge strides in self-love and self-acceptance. Do I still have tough days? Absolutely. The self-critic still pops up. But when you’ve spent years doing the work, those voices lose their power.
Taking care of our hearts and minds is the ultimate form of self-care.
Where am I at with body image?
I love my body for creating the three most beautiful humans on this Earth. Sure, sometimes I get frustrated with a bulge here or stretched skin there, but it’s a passing thought. I don’t fall for weight-loss fads or the fear-mongering around aging.
Speaking of aging—if pro-aging is a thing, that’s what I am. Society tells us wrinkles and gray hair are the worst things that can happen to a woman, but I’m not buying it. I want to step MORE into my power as I get wrinkly and gray—not be ashamed of it. My daughter is watching me, and I want her to know we are worthy at every age and every shape.
I’ve learned that when I tie exercise and food to a number on the scale, I feel empty and uninspired. Now, I move my body for reasons that matter:
✅ Exercise clears my mind and helps me release pent-up energy.
✅ Walking in fresh air lifts my mood instantly.
✅ Eating well fuels me, boosts my immune system, and stabilizes my emotions.
✅ Yoga makes me feel free.
✅ A tough workout gets me out of my overthinking head.
I find myself wishing for a world where women love and accept themselves as they are. Where self-improvement comes from the inside out—not from the outside in. Whose beauty standards are we trying to meet anyway?
I want my daughter to grow up in a world where women define themselves by their wisdom, experience, and intuition—not their pant size or their wrinkles. Although “sexy” is not really something I strive to be anymore, I believe there’s nothing sexier than someone who is comfortable in their own skin.
Questions to Explore
If you’re ready to start your journey toward self-love but don’t know where to begin, here are some questions to explore. I’d recommend picking one or two that really speak to you and journaling your thoughts—let yourself be honest, open, and curious.
Do you notice that how you feel about yourself on any given day is influenced by your appearance, the number on the scale, or how your clothes fit? How much power do these external factors hold over your self-worth?
Why do you think your worth is so closely tied to how you look? Were there moments growing up—comments from family, friends, media messages—that made you believe your appearance was your most valuable asset? What if you changed that story and truly believed you are so much more than how you look? How can you re-write the narrative?
When you put effort into your appearance, who is it really for? Do you dress, style yourself, or present yourself a certain way to seek validation from others—men, women, society in general? Or do you do it because it makes you feel good? How would it feel to show up for yourself without worrying about what anyone else thinks?
How would it feel to fully love and accept yourself exactly as you are in this moment—without waiting to lose weight, change something, or "fix" anything? What would that kind of self-love look like in your daily life?
Do you feel uneasy about aging—gray hairs, fine lines, a shifting body? Where do those feelings come from? What if, instead of resisting or fearing the aging process, you embraced it as a privilege? What would "aging gracefully" mean to you?
How do you want to feel as you age? Do you want to be someone who fights time every step of the way, or someone who lives fully and confidently in every stage of life? When you think of an elderly person, how would it make you feel to know they were ashamed of being old? Now imagine someone thriving in their later years—living with joy, purpose, and confidence. What if that could be you?
